Update #16

I guess it's time to get back on track.  I know it probably sounded like I was giving up, but I was just really mad at myself and  I just attack myself when I'm mad at myself.  So I have a schedule and maybe mapping that out will help me.

8/23 - 256
8/30 - 253
9/6 - 250
9/13 - 247
9/20 - 244
9/27 - 241
10/4 - 238
10/11 - 235
10/18 - 232
10/24 - 229

So that's 3lbs a week.  I've done that before.  I'm going to update once a week with rather I succeeded or not.  The reason I chose 10/24 as a stopping point is because I have a physical that day, but I plan to keep going.

Update #15

Just finished a large pizza.  Yep, pretty normal dinner.  Weighed myself for shits and giggles, up to 259.  So what, that's 14 lbs in a week and a half or so?  Why the fuck not.  This is the shit I have to deal with.  Yes I can lose weight, but I put it on like nothing.  I've always been a fat fuck.  Ever since I was a kid, I've been a fat fuck.  Ugly fat fucking sack of shit.  Doesn't matter what I do, I always go back to being a fat fuck that's good for nothing.  So why fight it?  I should just accept it.  Stop exercising, stop working, just lay here and be a fat fuck until I die.

Update #14

Ever since I left work today, I have just been pissed off.  Bad traffic, email is fucking up, and trying to fix it is slowing my computer down, making it hard to work on this.  I honestly won't be surprised if this closes on me.  I have Monday Night Raw on and it is just fucking stupid.  It always is, I'm not even sure why I watch it anymore.  I'm not good enough to have a girlfriend.  I'm still eating like shit and caring less and less about it.  I'm always going to be a fat sack of shit and women will always think I'm too fucking ugly to date.  So why even try improving?  I'll never get what I want. 

Update #13

Still eating like crap, I'm not sure I even care anymore.  What's the point of working my ass off if it's so easily undone.  It's not like it makes a difference.  I was down to 180 years ago and I was still flabby, still had a gut, still had man boobs.  I mean my body type always stays the same.  So again what's the point?  I can't attract a woman, so I should just get used to it.

Update #12

I'm a fat sack of shit.  Birthday came and went, ate way too much as usual.  I'm up to 254 lbs.  Seriously, anybody that ever says 1 lb = 3500 calories is a fucking piece of shit.  That is the biggest fucking lie ever.  That means I ate over 35,000 extra calories over 4 or 5 days.  And that's not in total, you still take into account the average amount is about 2000 per day.  So 10,000 plus 35,000.  I overate, but not 35,000 fucking calories worth.  I already know there's no fucking way I can win this most inspirational blog crap.  I hate this, I hate myself.