Update #16

I guess it's time to get back on track.  I know it probably sounded like I was giving up, but I was just really mad at myself and  I just attack myself when I'm mad at myself.  So I have a schedule and maybe mapping that out will help me.

8/23 - 256
8/30 - 253
9/6 - 250
9/13 - 247
9/20 - 244
9/27 - 241
10/4 - 238
10/11 - 235
10/18 - 232
10/24 - 229

So that's 3lbs a week.  I've done that before.  I'm going to update once a week with rather I succeeded or not.  The reason I chose 10/24 as a stopping point is because I have a physical that day, but I plan to keep going.

Update #15

Just finished a large pizza.  Yep, pretty normal dinner.  Weighed myself for shits and giggles, up to 259.  So what, that's 14 lbs in a week and a half or so?  Why the fuck not.  This is the shit I have to deal with.  Yes I can lose weight, but I put it on like nothing.  I've always been a fat fuck.  Ever since I was a kid, I've been a fat fuck.  Ugly fat fucking sack of shit.  Doesn't matter what I do, I always go back to being a fat fuck that's good for nothing.  So why fight it?  I should just accept it.  Stop exercising, stop working, just lay here and be a fat fuck until I die.

Update #14

Ever since I left work today, I have just been pissed off.  Bad traffic, email is fucking up, and trying to fix it is slowing my computer down, making it hard to work on this.  I honestly won't be surprised if this closes on me.  I have Monday Night Raw on and it is just fucking stupid.  It always is, I'm not even sure why I watch it anymore.  I'm not good enough to have a girlfriend.  I'm still eating like shit and caring less and less about it.  I'm always going to be a fat sack of shit and women will always think I'm too fucking ugly to date.  So why even try improving?  I'll never get what I want. 

Update #13

Still eating like crap, I'm not sure I even care anymore.  What's the point of working my ass off if it's so easily undone.  It's not like it makes a difference.  I was down to 180 years ago and I was still flabby, still had a gut, still had man boobs.  I mean my body type always stays the same.  So again what's the point?  I can't attract a woman, so I should just get used to it.

Update #12

I'm a fat sack of shit.  Birthday came and went, ate way too much as usual.  I'm up to 254 lbs.  Seriously, anybody that ever says 1 lb = 3500 calories is a fucking piece of shit.  That is the biggest fucking lie ever.  That means I ate over 35,000 extra calories over 4 or 5 days.  And that's not in total, you still take into account the average amount is about 2000 per day.  So 10,000 plus 35,000.  I overate, but not 35,000 fucking calories worth.  I already know there's no fucking way I can win this most inspirational blog crap.  I hate this, I hate myself. 

Update #11

Well good news and bad news.  Good news is that I stuck with my promise to myself.  I haven't had junk food or fast food this week.  I had some Teddy Grahams, but they aren't horrible.  I mean it's not like getting Oreos or other cookies.  And I told myself I wasn't going to reward myself with junk food, so I'm regretting that, haha.  But really, things are a little better now, I'm not craving fast food like I was at the beginning of the week.

Bad news is that a few updates ago, I thought I was around 239, turns out I was wrong.  I was probably around 250.  Where my scale was broken, only part of the middle number was showing, so I'd see 2#9 or 2#0.  I thought the # was a 3 when the last number was 9 and 4 when it was 0.  I might not be explaining well enough, but the final point is I'm around 245 now.  So it does look like I at least lost about 5lbs. 

Update #10

I guess after today, it'll have been 6 days, leaving just Friday for my week-long promise.  So yes, I'm still doing good, no junk food or fast food.  It's been rough, and the thing is, that's only the beginning.  It feels like I've put all this work in and the most I'll see out of it is losing a few pounds, if that.  Hopefully, I will have lost some weight. 

For me, it can be easy to think of bad days as days where it will be the easiest to just give into a craving.  But on really good days, it can be just as easy to give into a craving.  On good days, obviously I'm feeling good and like I'm invincible and that just makes it all the easier to say, hey, a candy bar can't hurt, pizza(one of my biggest weaknesses) for dinner can't hurt.  But it does hurt losing weight.  And I know that, but no matter how many times I say that to myself, it's hard to quiet that voice saying just eat whatever you want.